Not my typical usual but my constant battle at the moment.

Know how a crazy man would strangle someone...that's how I have been feeling for the longest time. Strangled. Isolated. Trapped and unable to breath.
So many times I just need to take a breath in and let it out...I find my self randomly doing it because for just a few short seconds it feels like for the first time I am able to breath... I go so long with out doing so. Impossible, you say. I know. If I wasn't breathing then I wouldn't be living. Ah but you see that is where I prove my point.
I am not living. I walk around like a robot. No, you can not tell. I have been under disguise as a regular human being but on the end side ....I just feel like a tin man.
Ah yes I know partly this falls on my shoulders. In fact everything inside of me wants to take the blame.. Why.. I don't know. Maybe out of an act of love. One can not always tell.
Everyday I wake up, I dread it. And every night I dread falling asleep because when I do so a new day awake and the same suffocating feels come around.
I feel like I was meant to do so much more then what I do know, but I feel so trapped I don't know how to move and make them happen.
I have so many dreams...I know one day they will happen... My Heavenly Father has promised that much. But at this time in my life, they feel so far far away.

This is not typical stuff I write but the things I write are only things I feel lead to write. Only my Lord knows the reason for it even if I never find out. I try my very best to follow the Holy Spirits leading...I know I get encouraged so many times and I can only hope that I am doing the same. God Bless.

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